Last week, I had the opportunity of sharing the dilemma of a young woman with some of my followers. I did promise a sequel, this time the encounter with the “single in spirit”, married but still wished they were single.
As it was in the first part, names have been changed for anonymity, but every bit of narration here is real.
You are free to make comments; it will not only be helpful to her but others who might be in the same shoes. I believe she will be reading, wanting and needing your comments.
Please read on:
Mejebi, a naval pilot, 29 years old and really tall, 6.9ft, could pass for a giant. I could barely walk by his side.
It was just a date and no talk about relationship. I wasn’t ready yet as I see every available man as married, I wasn’t exactly assuming Mejebi was married, was yet to find out. The venue was somewhere in Surulere and it was raining. We sat and talked, he kept staring at me, passing compliments on how nice my lips were. He liked the fact that they were pink.
Suddenly he said my nipples were staring at him, I felt embarrassed by the comment. It was the cold, I quickly put on my jacket. I was totally disorganized by the statement, waited for the rain to stop so I could take my leave.
Mejebi’s calls and texts were very regular. I kind of avoided seeing him after the date until when he invited me over to his house; I did accept the invite and visited. His first statement was, “don’t worry, I won’t touch you against your will”, he must have read my mind, well my wish was not to be touched. He surprised me as he conducted himself gentlemanly and didn’t make any attempts at me all through the three hours plus I stayed. All he did was prepared breakfast which we both enjoyed and I left when I felt it was time to leave.
Days after, I started receiving text messages, nasty and sex inclined. I ignored for a while as I couldn’t identify the number, it wasn’t Mejebi’s GLO Line. I decided to reply one evening and a sharp response I got came across like a woman must have typed it. She was asking me to leave her hubby alone. I called Mejebi and told him about it, all he said was, it wasn’t serious, that it was his sister who was playing the stunts.
I found out later that this dude was only 9 months into marriage, imagined if she had caught me in their apartment, if we were caught having breakfast I mean. I imagined a lot in my head, his wife sent those messages not his sister. Just like the rest of them, he had a million and one reason why he decided to cheat. I quickly changed my GLO line, I wanted to end the nightmare of insults brought on myself.
Yes! She identified herself as Mejebi’s wife, But not at the initial stage of text message exchange. Least I forget, she works with GLO, apparently she was monitoring his calls and messages. In one of her texts, she actually apologized and said she noticed I was innocent. That was after all the insults which I refused responding to.
Chris was like my first journey into the world of married men. I met him after getting over Nnamdi. He came across as single, an MBA student at the University. Young and cute, my friends felt he was the distraction I needed to get over Nnamdi, but I was extremely careful. We ran errands together and only met in opened places. I remembered him wanting to be the one to make the calls, that way I won’t incur any cost on calls. But strangely every time he called, he was always in a hurry to end it. Well, I suddenly had excuses for not wanting to see him and he kept complaining I was pushing him away and he will send messages of how much he wants to tear me apart in bed.
That’s really strange, here is someone we haven’t really gotten acquainted that intimately and he is fantasizing about tearing me apart, how strange and illogical indeed. This continued for about three months then one evening he called, and I suddenly asked how is Iyawo? He went cold and said we needed to talk. I honestly can’t say why I asked him that question. We then met at an eatery somewhere on the mainland where he apologized and started giving excuses about not letting me know about his marriage.
I was angry with myself as his marriage was barely seven months old, this I gathered from his explanation. I left and never picked his calls or accepted his friend request on my social media page. I had the opportunity of seeing him and his wife at Oniru Beach in January, 2011. I watched them for over thirty minutes, all I did was call him and asked him to look after her as she wasn’t looking an inch of the devil he made her out to be.
I met Kuye through a friend, Dele. He was much older and looked it. It turned out he was chasing my friend and I. The first day he visited me in school, I saw his wedding band that was when I knew he was married. He had came to take me out for lunch which I refused, gave him directions to the cafeteria and when he was done, politely walked him off to the campus shuttle and that was when Marianna, my friend saw us!
She asked where I met him, I told her. She promptly told me he was after her as well. Apparently Dele introduced Kuye to Marianna too. She was angry! I did tell Kuye I could not date him or any married man. I was indeed angry with Dele who introduced us. I felt he must have passed the wrong message about me to Kuye.
Afterwards, my friend and I called Kuye to order. For me, not because he was after the two of us, after all, he didn’t know we are friends, but the fact that he was chasing two women at the same time and that he was married calls to question his intentions coupled with the fact that Dele introduced us both to him. Dele’s action, which I consider stupid did put an end to my friendship with him, Can’t remember telling him I was desperate for a relationship!
But Kuye on the other hand still kept chasing after us for months. I had to talk to Marianna to make it clear that she wouldn’t date with him as well. She did, but he never gave up on her and still kept on the pressure on both of us. So, one day, I searched for him on Facebook, I left him a serious warning; about knowing where he works and would consider embarrassing him if he continued. He replied after some weeks saying I had guts, but the harassment stopped.
Sometime in August last year, he called me on the phone and apologized. He called it “a formal apology” I guess he was only preparing the grounds for a fresh assault. Just recently, he started with his madness again, saying I should put all behind me and for us to make a fresh start over again. At that point, I called him a mad man. That was the last time I ever picked his call or reply his text messages.
I met Bodun when I was bored. He was kind hearted and was really nice to me. He will come to visit after work or even during my lunch not caring of the distance. For him he felt he was helping someone who needed attention, this lasted for months. He was always giving me hope that I’ll meet a good man someday. Then things changed when he wanted to get intimate talking lots about sex.
I knew he was married and he wasn’t having any issues at home, he was only wishing for more. The part I didn’t like was listening to him lie to his wife about his location. He tells half truth and half lies. I got more of his attention than anyone, well so I like to think. Always seeing me, any day I wanted him too, a man’s attention he calls it!
I was ill in December 2011 and he was imagining me pregnant. He said supposing I was, he’ll wish to be the father, Naaaah, we were not intimate, that couldn’t happen! I was sick, typhoid fever. It was a joke, an off color joke, imagining me pregnant. The closest we got to being intimate was when he kissed me in error! One evening like that, I was going for the hug but his lips ended up on mine, I withdrew immediately, don’t know if it was deliberate but he apologized.
So in February this year, I told him I needed to move on and find someone whose status was same as mine as I wasn’t making much progress finding such hanging around him. He liked the idea but not totally, he was heartbroken and he actually cried. First time I saw a 35 year old cry, said he wished he was single, that I’ll make a great mum. He also said he was going to miss talking freely with me like we always did, whatever freely means.
We still chat once in a while. He was really a sweet guy!
Osayemi was married too. He monitors me which I never liked. He acted so concerned about my single status and ended up flirting with me; details of which will be revealed in a separate story. After one of my social network accounts was hacked and a message was sent to his wife, I started avoiding him. Suddenly he remembered he has a single brother suitable for me. Well, I turned down that offer. I couldn’t imagine being his in-law. Could he have been testing me, I wasn’t interested in knowing. Flirting profusely with a future sister-in-law isn’t a conventional test. It sure was an attempt that was now being salvaged with an out of the blues option.
Dolapo, we started out as friends. I thought he was in his 30s, must admit I was scared chatting with him at first because I had gone through his Bio many times on twitter. I really can’t believe I fell in love with him and with his person. He has a good heart and in different ways I have noticed that. He is the first person and almost the last I chat with everyday. Well, he is married & nothing for him, I meant to say nothing for me, jare!
Akin is loud and likes attention. Acts like a warlord on twitter. He likes to remind everyone he is 40 and yet doesn’t act like it. He never told me he was married, I had to find that out myself. He presented himself as matured and lonely. He said he needed someone to keep him company and will like to be a father, he sounded single and lonely. How did I find out? In a voluntary service I participated in, he had his ring on. I asked is that your wedding band or just another ring. He just smiled and immediately said please I’ll explain later, he never did.
He has two kids and has one on the way. I know about the two because I have seen them on his Blackberry messenger DP. I hate when he complains that his wife doesn’t give him attention, don’t know what he expects me to do about it. Well I stopped giving him attention too, especially after I found out he was married. Then he said I was stiff and harsh, my response then was, “at 40 you are loud and you insult everyone who insults you on twitter”. He got angry and asked me to apologize. He called to express his anger. I didn’t apologize, not because I couldn’t but because it was true and he decided to forget about my comment.
There was this night, he started again, after we had this long chat, in his exact words “I was hoping to have sex with you before, but I doubt I want it anymore. I would wish to spend life with you knowing my life is safe with you”, those where his words when I said I was in love with someone else. We never had marriage as a subject so I wonder why he said that. I responded with a chuckle and then he went ahead talking about his personal issues. I wasn’t interested so I told him I wanted to sleep.
Now you see, I don’t have a toaster, and I do want a toaster!