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Monthly Archives: July 2013

A Man, A Snake And A Hundred Grand!

When a man with a snake who appears to be mad decides to target you, stop and ask yourself these questions:

Is he truly mad?

Why you?

Are you carrying anything valuable?

I know these questions may not easily come to your mind at that moment, escaping the madman, avoiding a snake bite will tend to be uppermost on your mind. Well not for long, especially when you discover that within that melee, you have lost a hundred grand! This happened recently to a colleague of mine and yes, here in Lagos, yes again on the island, the Victoria Island.

He had just stepped out of a bank and walked like 200 metres when he noticed a man with a snake. It looked like the man was making towards him so he decided to change direction. The man with the snake must have read his mind for at that same moment he changed direction as well and it was to the same place. This happened again and again, my colleague, Mr X became agitated and concerned as this wasn’t looking like a coincidence anymore.

Well fortunately, he didn’t feel alone as there were other seemingly scared people who were also trying to avoid the “man with the snake” as well. Soon they all started bumping each other while trying to dodge and escape the scare.

Okay, thank God that is over, they finally avoided him. Phew, what a relief, but wait a minute . . . . where is the money? Mr X “borrowed himself some brain matter” immediately. He turned while remembering all that took place a while ago, his eyes locked on to one of the guys who until a moment ago he thought was a victim like himself. He dashed for him and straightway demanded for his money. While still blabbering as if he didn’t understand, trust my brother from the other side of the Niger, tore his shirt top down, grabbed his trousers and picked a dangerous looking stone with which he threatened to redesign his head while shouting the popular “Thief! Thief!!”

People were already gathering, the accomplices of the cornered guy quickly came to his rescue, yes you guessed right, the mad man too. The money surfaced. “Count it, is it complete?” One wonders if they knew how much was there in the first place. Well Mr X didn’t bother to count and neither pressed charges, was just glad to put some distance between himself and the crowd that had now gathered.

How did I know? Well he told the story, now I have told the story, please tell the story, so that people can be aware of the new trick in town. Did I hear you say, “Lagos na wa, I swear!”

Naija, ingeniously evil!

 
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Posted by on July 10, 2013 in Personal

 

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Nigeria Institute of Bankers Examination (July Diet, 2013)

Nigeria Institute of Bankers Examination (July Diet, 2013)

Time: 1hr 30 mins

Section A (Attempt all questions, all questions carry equal marks, 35 marks)

1. How many banks were in Nigeria before 2006?
2. How many banks are in Nigeria today?
3. What is the total number of Banks that have merged and how many resulted from the merger?
4. How many banks did Amcon Intervened?
5. How many had a change of name?
6. What is the name of the third bank in the Stanbic-IBTC merger?
7. What was CitiBank known and called before?

Section B (All Questions are compulsory 25 marks)

1. How does a Nigerian Bank staff get notified of termination? (A) By HR (B) By manager (C) When Staff attempts to login (D) All of the above
2.When a Bank is not making profit what is the first step in returning to profitability? (A) Reduce expenditure by Executives (B) Change Management (C) Develop a winning strategy (D) Sack Staff.
3. When new MD resumes what action is first taken? (A) Buy new car (B) Employ new PA from previous place of employment (C) Travel round all regions (D) All of the above
4. What is the first name of a CBN governor that shares same surname as the present governor?(A) Gideon (B) Reuben (C) Joseph (D) Adamu
5. Before and immediately after consolidation and until recently, the MDs of most strong banks came from the same town. What is the name of the town? (A) Abuja (B) Agbor (C) Ibuzor (D Badagry

Section C (Answer only one 40 marks)

Discuss in not less than one page:
1. Who is your preferred CBN governor and why? Ola Vincent, Adamu Ciroma, Charles Soludo, Sanusi Lamido Sanusi

2.Which of the embattled ex-MD is smarter and why? Francis Atuche, Cecilia Ibru, Erastus Akingbola, Sebastian Adigwe

Good luck!

 
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Posted by on July 8, 2013 in Uncategorized